Feeling So Damn Unpretty!

I was watching the music video for TLC’s song “Unpretty” and that song always makes me cry. I am sure most people (not just fat people) have had someone make them feel unpretty. It takes me back to a time a few years back when I was receiving a lot of mental and emotional abuse from a couple extended family members I lived with and it usually turned into being about my weight. They would question my then fiance (now husband) why he was with such a fat ugly girl and say that he was a musician and musicians should date models. They would accuse me of being jealous of them and copying them no matter what I did and let me know that I was worthless and would never amount to anything. During these few years I was exposed to this, I gained a lot of weight which has lead me to where I am now; the heaviest I have ever been.

Looking back I realize that they didn’t make me feel worthless, I LET them make me feel worthless. Also looking back I realize that it really had little to do with my weight and more to do with other insecurities they had with me. They are not really in our lives anymore but one of them is still a family member and so the threat of being treated like that again always looms over my head. However this time I am better prepared and it will NOT affect me in that way ever again.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that it is true that everyone is beautiful. Every one has a different idea of what they think is pretty and just because one person thinks you are ugly, there are other people out there who will think you are gorgeous. Don’t let anyone make you feel so damn unpretty!

My name is Tiffannie and I am a food addict...

I think I have had an addiction to food all my life, but I don't think I realized it until I got fat after having my daughter when I was 19 years old. During my pregnancy I gained 80 pounds, going from being about 140 pounds to being 220, and it kept going up from there.

Fast forward to the present, last Wednesday in my college psychology discussion group we are talking about motivation. It started out with talking about motivation with hunger. We took a little personal test to determine what forces besides hunger motivates us to eat. The four categories were coping, social, compliance and pleasure. I scored high in Coping, social and pleasure. These were not surprises to me, I eat when I have had a bad day, I eat to celebrate when I have accomplished something and I like to eat when I am hanging out with my friends. But just taking this test and listening to my teacher talk about these things slapped me in the face with the fact that I am fat. I am also the only fat person in my class and I felt as if every one was looking at me.

So here I am, questioning my weight and my eating habits again. Hopefully this time I will stick to a path.